I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
