my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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