You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
