We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
