i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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