as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
