New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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