I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you had me at cake vodka
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
