Sry I called you an 8
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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