So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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