Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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