CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
