My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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