I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
