I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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