suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize