Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
