also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
