The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
