i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
