I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
