man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
