I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
