Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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