When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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