just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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