I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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