if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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