just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
