Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
