sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
