new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
