I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
