I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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