whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
