It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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