Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
