4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
