so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
