two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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