I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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