You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
