its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
