Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
