I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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