Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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