This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
