thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
