I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
