Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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