Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
