In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
