I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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