At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
