i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
