Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
