worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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