So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sobbing to NWA
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
