Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
