You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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