You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize