are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
