I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
