So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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