I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
