david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
