Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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