I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
