I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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