is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
