Don't make out with my wife yet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
