...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
