i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize