who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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