The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do herpes really smell.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
