Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
