Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize