The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
